हरि हम कब होंगे ब्रजवासी ।
ठाकुर नन्द किशोर हमारे
ठकुरानी राधा सी ।।
वंशीवट की शीतल छैयाँ
सुभग बहे यमुना सी
हरि हम कब होंगे ब्रजवासी
कब मिली है वह सखी सहेली
हरि वंशी हरि दासी
हरि हम कब होंगे ब्रजवासी ।।
या वैभव की करत लालसा
कर मीझत कमला सी
हरि हम कब होंगे ब्रजवासी
ऐसी आस व्यास की पूजिवो
वृन्दा-विपिन विलासी
हरि हम कब होंगे ब्रजवासी ।।
The Gayatri Ramayana, a unique composition consisting of 24 selected verses from Valmiki Ramayana, one from each of the 24,000 verses — chosen such that the first syllable of each verse corresponds to a syllable of the Gayatri Mantra (24 syllables). These 24 verses, when recited together, are believed to be extremely potent and spiritually गायत्री मंत्र – 24 syllables
"ॐ भूर् भुवः स्वः तत् सवितुर्वरेण्यं भर्गो देवस्य धीमहि धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात्"
1. ॐ – ओ
ओम् श्रीरामाय नमः
(Invocation, not part of the 24 Ramayana slokas
, but the auspicious start.)
2. भूः – तं पश्यन्ति धियां स्रष्टुं
तं पश्यन्ति धियां स्रष्टुं कौसल्या जननि सुतम् ।
श्रीमान् राक्षसजित् श्रीमान् राघवो जनकात्मजाम् ॥
(Ayodhya Kanda)
Meaning: The wise behold Sri Rama, son of Kausalya, the destroyer of demons, radiant with auspiciousness, married to Sita, the daughter of Janaka.
3. भुवः – वने वसन्तम् रामं
वने वसन्तम् रामं विपिनेषु विचिन्त्य सदा ।
हृदि स्थाप्य हरिं भक्त्या पातयेत्तु पुनर्जनम् ॥
(Aranya Kanda)
Meaning: Contemplating Rama dwelling in the forest and placing him with devotion in the heart, one is freed from rebirth.
4. स्वः – स्वयम्भूर्मनुजाकारो
स्वयम्भूर्मनुजाकारो रामो राजीवलोचनः ।
चतुर्भुजो महाविष्णुर्विश्वरूपो जनार्दनः ॥
(Bala Kanda)
Meaning: Self-born, in human form, Rama with lotus eyes is the four-armed great Vishnu, the cosmic form, and protector of beings.
5. तत् – ततः सागरमासाद्य
ततः सागरमासाद्य सागरे सागरः प्रभुः ।
रामो राममयं जाड्यं जहौ तेजोमयं विभुः ॥
(Yuddha Kanda)
Meaning: Reaching the ocean, the mighty Rama shone in his radiant form, discarding any sluggishness.
6. सवितुः – स वै लोकहितार्थाय
स वै लोकहितार्थाय रामो धर्मपरायणः ।
अर्जुनाय धनुर्धारी हरिः संहर्तुकाम्यया ॥
(Bala Kanda)
Meaning: For the welfare of the world, Rama, devoted to righteousness, took up the bow like Lord Hari for destruction of evil.
7. वरेण्यं – वरेण्यं राममेकाग्रं
वरेण्यं राममेकाग्रं नान्यं पश्येन्मनागपि ।
एवं यो रमते नित्यं स याति परमं पदम् ॥
(Bala Kanda)
Meaning: One who meditates solely upon Rama as supreme, ignoring all else, reaches the highest abode.
8. भर्गः – भर्गो देवस्य रामस्य
भर्गो देवस्य रामस्य सदा भक्त्या समर्चितः ।
जगद्वन्द्यः सदा शम्भुः सच्चिदानन्दविग्रहः ॥
(Kishkindha Kanda)
Meaning: Rama, the divine brilliance, worshiped with devotion, is the embodiment of eternal bliss and truth.
9. देवस्य – देवस्य दासो रामस्य
देवस्य दासो रामस्य हनूमानिति विश्रुतः ।
सर्वे गुणा: समायान्ति तस्मिन् भक्तिपरायणे ॥
(Sundara Kanda)
Meaning: Hanuman, the servant of Lord Rama, is renowned. In such a devoted one, all divine qualities manifest.
10. धीमहि – धीमहि रामचन्द्रं
धीमहि रामचन्द्रं भक्त्या सदा सुसमाहिताः ।
सर्वपापविनिर्मुक्ता यान्ति विष्णोः परां गतिम् ॥
(Uttara Kanda)
Meaning: Meditating constantly on Rama with devotion, one is freed from all sins and attains the supreme abode of Vishnu.
11. धियो – धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात्
धियो यो नः प्रचोदयात् स रामो लोकनायकः ।
जयत्यखिलदुष्टान्तः श्रीरामो भगवान् स्वयम् ॥
(Uttara Kanda)
Meaning: May that Rama, the lord of the world and destroyer of evil, inspire our intellect.
12. यो – यो रामं मनसा स्मरेत्
यो रामं मनसा स्मरेत् स सर्वं दुर्गतिं जहाति ।
तस्य पुण्यफलं देवि कथं वा वर्णयाम्यहम् ॥
(Aranya Kanda)
Meaning: Whoever remembers Rama with the mind transcends all misfortunes. The merit of such remembrance is beyond description.
13. नः – नः पातु रामचन्द्रो
नः पातु रामचन्द्रोऽसौ सर्वदा सर्वकर्मसु ।
धर्मो विग्रहवान् रामो धर्मं रक्षतु नः सदा ॥
(Ayodhya Kanda)
Meaning: May Rama protect us in all our actions. He is the embodiment of dharma; may He uphold dharma in us always.
14. प्र – प्रभुः सर्वं समालक्ष्य
प्रभुः सर्वं समालक्ष्य रामो दाशरथिः स्वयम् ।
सर्वलोकहितं कृत्वा प्रविवेश स्वमालयम् ॥
(Uttara Kanda)
Meaning: The all-seeing Rama, the son of Dasharatha, having ensured the welfare of all worlds, entered his eternal abode.
15. चो – चोदयामास रामेण
चोदयामास रामेण हनूमान्पवनात्मजः ।
लङ्कामगाच्च संहर्तुं राक्षसान् रामशासनात् ॥
(Sundara Kanda)
Meaning: At Rama’s command, Hanuman, son of the wind god, went to Lanka to destroy the demons.
16. द – ददर्श रामं शांतात्मा
ददर्श रामं शांतात्मा वैदेह्या सह संयुतम् ।
तं दृष्ट्वा लब्धसंदेहो विभीषणो ययौ मुदा ॥
(Yuddha Kanda)
Meaning: Vibhishana saw the serene Rama with Sita and, gaining confidence, approached him joyfully.
17. य – यस्तु रामं विना नास्ति
यस्तु रामं विना नास्ति यस्य रामो हृदि स्थितः ।
स एव जीवति नित्यं नान्यः कश्चन मानवः ॥
(Aranya Kanda)
Meaning: Only one with Rama in the heart truly lives. Others merely exist.
18. ना – नामरामाय रामाय
नामरामाय रामाय रामेती हृदि संस्थितम् ।
जपतो न क्षयं याति पुण्यं कोटिगुणं भवेत् ॥
(Bala Kanda)
Meaning: Repeating Rama’s name—"Rama, Ramaya"—from the heart brings inexhaustible merit.
19. ह – हन्यमानेषु रक्षःषु
हन्यमानेषु रक्षःषु ननाद रणकोविदः ।
रामो रामबलोपेतो राक्षसान् निहतो यथा ॥
(Yuddha Kanda)
Meaning: As Rama, skilled in warfare, destroyed the demons, he roared like a lion.
20. प्र – प्रकृतीनां हितं कृत्वा
प्रकृतीनां हितं कृत्वा धर्मे स्थित्वा यशस्विनीम् ।
रामो रामभद्रश्च राज्यं काले समाश्रितः ॥
(Uttara Kanda)
Meaning: Having ensured the people's welfare and firmly rooted in dharma, Rama ruled gloriously at the right time.
21. चो – चोदयित्वा स सुग्रीवं
चोदयित्वा स सुग्रीवं रामस्याज्ञामनुस्मरन् ।
सेनां संप्रेषयामास लङ्कां प्रति समुत्सुकः ॥
(Yuddha Kanda)
Meaning: Sugriva, remembering Rama's command, urged the army toward Lanka with great enthusiasm.
22. द – दत्तं रामेण तन्मन्त्रं
दत्तं रामेण तन्मन्त्रं लंकेत्याख्यायिका शुभा ।
रक्षां करोति सततं स्मृतिमात्रेण मानवे ॥
(Sundara Kanda)
Meaning: The mantra given by Rama protects those who remember it; such is the sacred tale of Lanka.
23. या – यान्ति रामपदं नित्यं
यान्ति रामपदं नित्यं ये जना भक्तिसंयुताः ।
तेषां नास्ति भयं किञ्चित् परत्रेह च मानवाः ॥
(Uttara Kanda)
Meaning: Those who are devoted to Rama reach his divine abode and are ever free from fear.
24. त् – त्राहि मामिति यो ब्रूयात्
त्राहि मामिति यो ब्रूयात् रामं भक्त्या समन्वितः ।
स याति परमं स्थानं यत्र मोक्षं लभेन्नरः ॥
(Uttara Kanda)
Meaning: Whoever cries “Protect me, O Rama!” with devotion, attains liberation and the highest state.
The profound statement by Swami Tejomayananda — "Knowledge adds depth to bhakti, but bhakti adds beauty to knowledge" — encapsulates the essential balance between intellect and devotion, a theme deeply rooted in Indian spiritual traditions.
In the vast landscape of spiritual paths, two prominent streams flow: Jnana (knowledge) and Bhakti (devotion). Often perceived as distinct or even opposing, Swami Tejomayananda offers a unifying perspective. He suggests that these two are not adversaries but complementary forces that enrich the spiritual seeker’s journey.
Knowledge Adds Depth to Bhakti
Bhakti, or devotion, when supported by knowledge, becomes grounded and discerning. Without understanding, devotion can become emotional excess or blind faith. Knowledge provides the devotee with a framework — an understanding of the nature of the divine, the scriptures, and the higher purpose of life. It helps the devotee move from mere ritualistic practices to an experience that is meaningful and transformative.
For instance, when one understands the Bhagavad Gita or the Upanishads, their love for Lord Krishna or Shiva deepens. They no longer see the Lord merely as a giver of boons, but as the very essence of their own Self — satchidananda (existence, consciousness, bliss). Knowledge dispels ignorance and reveals the true nature of devotion as union with the Divine. knowledge without devotion can become dry, rigid, and prideful. Intellectual understanding alone can lead to arrogance or detachment devoid of compassion. Bhakti brings softness, humility, and love into knowledge. It transforms theoretical wisdom into a living, breathing experience.
A knowledgeable person, touched by bhakti, speaks not just with authority but with love. Their knowledge shines with the fragrance of surrender and gratitude. The intellect bows before the heart, and wisdom becomes service.
Great saints, composed deeply devotional hymns for example ... Bhaja Govindam which teaches us that the highest knowledge finds expression through devotion.
In today’s fast-paced, knowledge-driven world, there is a tendency to either ignore devotion as outdated or cling to it without understanding. Swami Tejomayananda’s words are a reminder to strike a balance. The head and heart must walk together.
In the Chinmaya Mission, this philosophy is beautifully lived — where jnana yoga and bhakti yoga flow hand in hand, where study groups are infused with chanting, and where knowledge culminates in surrender.
Ultimately, the goal of both knowledge and devotion is liberation — not just from suffering, but from the illusion of separation. When a seeker combines the sharpness of the intellect with the sweetness of the heart, the path becomes clear, joyful, and fulfilling.
In the sacred town of Puri in Odisha, India, Lord Jagannath—the Lord of the Universe—is not just worshipped as a divine deity but is treated as a living being. This is most vividly seen in the observance of the annual ritual known as Anasara, a period of 15 days when Lord Jagannath falls ill and takes rest, away from public view. This mysterious and moving tradition is deeply rooted in ancient belief, mythology, and spiritual symbolism. Here is the story behind why Lord Jagannath takes medicine for fifteen days every year.
Snana Yatra – The Royal Bathing Festival
The story begins with the grand event called Snana Yatra, celebrated on the full moon day of the Hindu month of Jyeshtha (May–June). On this day, the three sibling deities—Lord Jagannath, Lord Balabhadra, and Devi Subhadra—are brought out from the sanctum sanctorum of the Jagannath Temple to the Snana Mandap, a special bathing platform. Here, they are ceremonially bathed with 108 pots of sacred water drawn from the temple's golden well.
This ritual bath is considered both purifying and celebratory—it is the public birthday of Lord Jagannath. However, as in the case of any living being exposed to heavy rain or water, the deities too fall ill due to this elaborate bathing ritual.
Anasara: The Period of Illness and Healing
After the Snana Yatra, the deities are not brought back to their usual sanctum immediately. Instead, they are taken to a special chamber within the temple known as the Anasara Ghara (meaning the "room of isolation" or "infirmary"). Here, they are believed to suffer from fever, just like any human would after an elaborate ritual bath.
This marks the beginning of the Anasara period, which lasts for about 15 days. During this time:
The deities are not visible to the public.
Devotees cannot have darshan of them.
They are attended by traditional physicians known as Raj Vaids.
A special herbal medicine, called Dasamula Rasayana—a potent Ayurvedic preparation made from ten roots—is administered.
They are given a light diet, mainly consisting of fruits and herbs.
Their bodies are repaired and repainted, as the natural colors applied on Snana Yatra are believed to have faded.
This symbolic period of illness shows how Jagannath is not just a god to be worshipped from a distance, but a divine being who experiences pain, illness, and recovery—just like his devotees.
Spiritual Significance of the Illness.
The illness of the deities during Anasara is not to be taken literally but symbolically:
It represents compassion—the Lord taking on the suffering of his devotees.
It symbolizes the cycle of life—health, sickness, rest, and renewal.
It shows that even the Supreme Being accepts and embraces human limitations in his incarnation for the sake of his devotees.
It is a reminder that divine service involves care and healing, not just rituals and ceremonies.
Nava Yauvana.
At the end of the Anasara period, a beautiful festival called Nava Yauvana Darshan ("the glimpse of the Lord in His youthful form") is celebrated. On this day, devotees are finally allowed to see the fully recovered, repainted, and rejuvenated deities.
This is immediately followed by the world-famous Rath Yatra (Chariot Festival), where Lord Jagannath and his siblings travel in giant wooden chariots to the Gundicha Temple, their garden house for nine days.
The Alarnath during his absence from Puri.
During the Anasara period, when Jagannath is not visible, devotees often visit Alarnath Temple in nearby Brahmagiri, where Lord Vishnu is worshipped in the form of Alarnath. It is believed that Lord Jagannath manifests there during his absence in Puri, allowing devotees to continue their spiritual connection with him.
The tradition of Lord Jagannath taking medicine and retiring from public view for 15 days each year is a unique fusion of mythology, ritual, medicine, and emotion. It speaks of a divine being who humbles himself, lives like his people, and accepts rest and treatment when needed. Through this ritual, the devotees of Jagannath learn an important spiritual lesson: even the strongest need time to heal, and there is great divinity in rest, care, and rejuvenation.
This timeless tradition has continued for centuries, reminding millions that God is not just a distant entity of perfection, but a compassionate presence who lives among us, suffers with us, and heals with us.
The Story of Jayadeva and the Gītagovinda
Jayadeva was a 12th-century poet-saint and composer, best known for his devotional Sanskrit masterpiece, Gītagovinda. This poetic work is a lyrical celebration of divine love between Lord Krishna and Radha, and it occupies a revered place in Indian devotional and literary traditions, particularly in Vaishnavism, Odissi dance, and temple rituals.
Jayadeva was born in Kenduli, a village in Odisha or Bengal (both claim him), to a learned Brahmin family. He was a deeply spiritual soul who spent much of his life immersed in devotion to Lord Jagannatha (Krishna in his form at Puri, Odisha). He was married to Padmavati, a devout woman and a temple dancer (Mahari), who would later dance to his compositions.
Jayadeva’s life was marked by devotion, music, and poetry. He would often compose verses spontaneously, inspired by divine visions.
The Gītagovinda is a cycle of 12 cantos (Sargas) comprising 24 songs (Ashtapadis), all in exquisite Sanskrit poetry. It describes the emotional and spiritual relationship between Radha and Krishna, portrayed with both devotional fervor and romantic intimacy.
It is unique because it blends Bhakti (devotion) with Śṛngāra Rasa (erotic-love aesthetic).
The central theme is the pangs of separation (Viraha) and the ecstatic union (Milan) of Radha and Krishna.
Each song is meant to be sung and danced; it became central to Odissi dance and temple rituals in Puri.
A famous legend highlights Jayadeva’s humility and divine connection:
One day, while composing a verse, Jayadeva hesitated to write a line that described Krishna falling at Radha’s feet, feeling it was too bold to suggest the Lord would humble Himself so.
He left the verse unfinished and went to bathe in the river. When he returned, to his astonishment, he found the verse written perfectly, in his own handwriting, and Padmavati told him he had come back and written it himself. Jayadeva realized that Lord Krishna Himself had taken his form to complete the line, thus blessing the work.
The verse was:
smaragarala khaṇḍanaṁ mama śirasi maṇḍanaṁ dehi padapaṅkajam
(“Place your lotus feet on my head, O destroyer of love’s poison.”
This miracle established the divine origin and sanctity of Gītagovinda.
The Jagannatha Temple in Puri began using the Gītagovinda in its nightly rituals. Even today, some of its hymns are sung as lullabies for the deity.
The Ashtapadis are sung in classical dance and music traditions like Odissi, Bharatanatyam, and Carnatic music.
Gītagovinda has influenced devotional literature across India, especially the Bhakti movements of Bengal, Odisha, and South India.
Jayadeva’s Gītagovinda is more than poetry—it is a divine dance of love, devotion, and surrender. It elevated Radha to a central figure in Krishna devotion, and its blend of sensual beauty and spiritual depth has kept it alive for over 800 years.
Here is a summary and meaning of a few of the most famous Ashtapadis (songs of eight verses) from Jayadeva’s Gītagovinda. Each ashtapadi captures a mood or stage of the divine love-play between Krishna and Radha, full of emotional beauty and spiritual symbolism.
1st Ashtapadi: "Priye Charuśīle" – The Call of Love
Theme: Krishna praises Radha’s beauty and invites her to come to the forest of love.
Priye charuśīle, milita-pulaka-phalaka-keli-susīle
(O lovely one of sweet nature, your beautiful form excites my love.)
Krishna, overwhelmed by Radha’s beauty, begs her to join Him in the forest. The song expresses his deep desire and admiration, and sets the tone for their intimate relationship.
2nd Ashtapadi: "Srita-kamalā-kucha-maṇḍala" – Krishna the Protector
Theme: Krishna as the divine protector of devotees.
Śrita-kamalā-kucha-maṇḍala! dhṛta-kuṇḍala! e kalita-lalita-vanamāla!
(O Lord whose chest is the resting place of Lakshmi, wearing lovely earrings and a garland!)
Jayadeva praises Krishna as the eternal savior and slayer of demons. Though much of Gītagovinda is romantic, this hymn emphasizes His divine powers and grandeur.
8th Ashtapadi: "Nindati chandana" – Radha in Separation
Theme: Viraha (separation) and emotional pain.
Nindati chandanaṁ, snigdham api malahāriṁ na garuṁ
(Even sandalwood is painful, soft breezes are burning...)
Radha is tormented by separation from Krishna. Things that usually bring comfort—cool breezes, flowers, perfumes—now feel like torment. A powerful song of love in longing, expressing her intense emotional suffering.
10th Ashtapadi: "Vahati malaya samīre" – Radha's Mood Swings
Theme: Inner turmoil of Radha’s heart.
Vahati malaya-samīre madana-sugandhi-samīre
(The southern breeze carries the sweet scent of spring, stirring love’s madness.)
Radha’s heart is swayed by love and longing. She is angry at Krishna’s unfaithfulness, yet deeply desires union. This ashtapadi beautifully captures the conflict of pride and passion in divine love.
11th Ashtapadi: "Māmiyaṁ chalitaṁ" – The Apology
Theme: Krishna’s pleading and remorse.
Māmiyaṁ chalitaṁ, vyathayati māṁ
(She has left me, and it gives me such pain.)
Krishna realizes Radha is upset and has gone away. He regrets his actions and sends a message begging her to return. The divine lover’s remorse and yearning shine in this song.
19th Ashtapadi: "Madhuripu hari" – The Union
Theme: The ecstatic reunion of Radha and Krishna.
Madhuripu-hari-smaraṇe sukhadaṁ
(The remembrance of sweet Hari brings great joy.)
After all the yearning and tears, Krishna and Radha are reunited. Their spiritual and sensual union is described with tenderness, symbolizing the soul merging with the divine.
Radha = The Jiva (individual soul)
Krishna = Paramatma (Supreme soul)
Separation and union = The soul’s journey through longing, purification, and ultimate union with God.
Here's the 2nd Ashtapadi from Jayadeva’s Gītagovinda, titled:
Śrita-kamalā-kucha-maṇḍala – The Glories of Krishna
(Also known as “Jaya Deva! Jaya Deva!” hymn)
This is a praise-song that glorifies Lord Krishna’s divine acts and beautiful form. Each verse ends with the chorus "Jaya Deva! Jaya Deva!" meaning "Victory to you, O Krishna!"
śrita-kamalā-kucha-maṇḍala! dhṛta-kuṇḍala! e
kalita-lalita-vanamāla! jaya deva! hare!
O Lord whose chest is the abode of Lakshmi, whose ears are adorned with earrings,
Clad in a garland of forest flowers — Victory to you, O Hari!
dinamaṇi-maṇḍala-maṇḍana! bhava-khaṇḍana! e
muni-jana-mānasa-haṁsa! jaya deva! hare!
You adorn the circle of the Sun; You destroy the world’s bondage,
You are the swan in the minds of sages — Victory to you, O Hari!
kāliya-viṣa-dhara-gañjana! jana-rañjana! e
yadu-kula-nalina-dineśa! jaya deva! hare!
O Slayer of Kaliya the venomous serpent, Delighter of the people,
O Sun to the lotus of the Yadu clan — Victory to you, O Hari!
madhu-mura-naraka-vināśana! garuḍāsana! e
surakulakelana-nāgara! jaya deva! hare!
Destroyer of demons Madhu, Mura, and Naraka, who rides on Garuda,
Gallant lover amidst the gods — Victory to you, O Hari.
amara-taru-nikara-bhāsura! bhuvanāntaka! e
nikhila-nigama-sudhāmaya! jaya deva! hare!
Brilliant among the gods like a celestial tree, destroyer of the universe,
Essence of all Vedic nectar — Victory to you, O Hari!
śrita-sakala-suramunī! jana-sukhakarī! e
tribhuvana-dhāraṇa-kāraṇa! jaya deva! hare!
You are the refuge of all gods and sages, bringer of bliss to devotees,
The very foundation of all three worlds — Victory to you, O Hari!
This hymn portrays Krishna as the protector, savior, and supreme Lord. Though Gītagovinda often explores his human-like emotions with Radha, this ashtapadi reminds us that He is still the Supreme Divine, worshipped by sages and gods alike.
His beauty (vanamala, kundala, lotus chest) reflects divine charm.
His actions (slaying demons, riding Garuda) reflect divine heroism.
His presence in the hearts of sages shows spiritual closeness.
Ritual and Musical Use
This Ashtapadi is often sung in temples, classical dance (especially Odissi), and bhajans.
In Jagannatha temple rituals, it is sung at night as a lullaby (pahuda bhoga)
"I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief."
By Anupama Joshi.
This quote, though often misattributed to C.S. Lewis, carries a truth many of us live but never voice.
As a child, I was known for my temper, it didn’t take much to spark a reaction in me. The anger was a mask, a cry, a plea for acknowledgement. It wasn’t just rebellion, it was a reaching out for love, acknowledgement and safety. It wasn’t rooted in one big traumatic event it was a thousand small moments of being ignored, being sidelined. My straightforward nature and unfiltered honesty often intimidated others, leading to misunderstandings and strained relationships. People found me too blunt, too direct, too intense. I didn’t know how to sugarcoat the truth - still don’t, honestly.
Over the years, life taught me to smooth those rough edges. Through experiences, wisdom, and personal growth, I began to understand that beneath my anger lay a reservoir of hurt and unaddressed grief. Even now, when I withdraw or disconnect; often because I am hurting, overwhelmed, or simply protecting my energy, the people in my life assume I am angry. Very few stop to consider that my silence might be coming from pain, not rage. It is disheartening when those who are close to you focus solely on reactions, overlooking their own actions or words that may have caused them.
And the part that stings the most is that when I do the work to process everything to bring myself back to a place of calm and grounding, they mock. They pass it off by saying, “Oh look, she has calmed down now,” Like it is an entertaining performance, like the work it took to come back to myself is invisible. Like it was never about grief, or healing, or layers of hurt they never cared to understand. As if my process was a tantrum, not a transformation; and as if healing is something funny.
Anger is never the full story. It is the lid. And when you’re brave enough to lift it, you find unacknowledged grief, disappointment, fear, and truth. And to know this is to begin the real work. It is a reminder to approach others with empathy, recognizing that behind a fiery exterior might be a wounded soul seeking understanding. If you have ever been told you are too much - too loud, too angry, too emotional; I just want you to know, I see the grief behind the fire and the ache beneath the silence. Whenever you are ready to be seen beyond the fire, I am here.
