Am i blessed to be here....

From His Feet to His Face — A Devotee's Journey to Narayana 

When I first stand before Sriman Narayana, I do not know how to look at Him.

I come as a novice devotee.

I know that He is the Lord. I know that I have come to worship Him. I know that I should offer flowers, bow my head and pray.

But beyond that, I am unsure.

My mind wanders. My prayers are imperfect. My devotion is still small.

So I begin where I feel least inadequate.

At His feet.

I place the flowers there.

I bow.

And I remain there for a while.

At His Feet 

The sacred feet of Narayana are the first thing my heart learns to trust.

I do not yet dare to look at the greatness of the One standing before me.

I simply look at His Tiruvadi.

They are beautiful, lotus-like, adorned with divine anklets.

But more than their beauty, I begin to understand what they mean.

They are refuge.

I do not have to be worthy before approaching them.

I do not have to know all the scriptures.

I do not have to have mastered my mind.

I only have to surrender.

The flowers I place at His feet seem suddenly to say more than my words can.

"I have come, Lord."

And perhaps that is enough.

Then My Eyes Rise 

Having surrendered at His feet, I slowly raise my eyes.

I see His legs.

They are strong and graceful, supporting the entire divine form.

I realise that the One whose feet I have approached is not merely a beautiful image.

He stands.

He supports.

He protects.

My little offering at His feet has brought me one step closer to understanding Him.

Then I see the radiant Pitambara, the golden-yellow garment surrounding His divine form.

The colour catches my eye.

The beauty draws me upward.

My devotion, which began as uncertainty, begins to become attention.

I am no longer merely praying.

I am looking.

The Divine Hands 

My eyes rise further.

I see His four arms.

And then I notice what they hold.

The Panchajanya, the conch.

The Sudarshana, the discus.

The Kaumodaki, the mace.

The Sharnga, the bow.

At first I see them as the weapons of a mighty Lord.

Then I understand something more.

These are the hands of the One who protects.

The Lord whose feet I approached in helplessness has the power to protect me.

And yet one of His hands is raised in assurance.

The hand that holds power can also offer comfort.

I begin to understand that surrender does not mean entering uncertainty.

It means placing oneself in the hands of the One who can protect.

The Chest of Sri 

My eyes rise still further.

I see the magnificent Tirumarbu, the divine chest.

There shines the Srivatsa.

The Kaustubha Mani rests upon Him.

And then I remember what I have been taught:

This is the eternal abode of Sri Mahalakshmi.

He is not merely Narayana.

He is Sriman Narayana.

Sri is with Him.

Grace is with Him.

Compassion is with Him.

Suddenly, my understanding of the feet changes.

I had come to the feet because I was unsure of myself.

Now I realise that the feet to which I surrendered belong to the One whose heart eternally holds Sri.

My surrender is not falling into the unknown.

It is placing myself before Sri and Narayana together.

His Face 

And then, almost without realising it, I look higher.

I see His neck, adorned with garlands and jewels.

I see the divine ornaments.

And finally I see His face.

For a moment, I forget my prayer.

I simply look.

The face is serene.

Radiant.

Beautiful.

And then I see His eyes.

His Eyes See Me 

They are large and lotus-like.

But now I no longer see them merely as beautiful eyes.

I begin to wonder:

Does He see me?

The thought changes everything.

The Lord who sees the entire universe is looking upon me.

He knows the prayer I could not put into words.

He knows the weaknesses I hide from everyone.

He knows the good I tried to do and the good I failed to do.

And yet His eyes do not turn away.

There is compassion in them.

There is patience.

There is acceptance.

For the first time I understand why the devotee can stand before the Lord and simply remain silent.

Sometimes words are unnecessary.

The Lord already knows.

The Smile 

And then I see His smile.

It is gentle.

Almost reassuring.

I remember the fear with which I first came to Him.

I had wondered whether I was worthy to stand before Him.

Now the smile seems to answer that question without words.

"Do not be afraid."

The Lord whom I thought I had come to worship begins to feel like the One who has been waiting for me.

The novice who came with flowers at His feet has slowly become the devotee who dares to look at His face.

The Tirunamam 

My eyes move to His forehead.

There shines the sacred Tirunamam.

The two white lines and the central red Sri Churnam once again remind me of Sri and Narayana.

Everything I have seen now begins to come together.

The feet are His refuge.

The hands are His protection.

The chest is the abode of Sri.

The eyes are compassion.

The face is assurance.

And the Tirunamam declares who He is.

I am no longer seeing separate features.

I am beginning to see Him.

And Finally — The Crown 

At last my eyes reach the crown.

The magnificent Kiritam shines above His head.

Only now do I understand its full meaning.

The One whose feet I approached in humility is the Lord of all worlds.

The One whose eyes looked upon me with tenderness is Sarveshvara.

The One whose smile gave me courage is the Supreme Being.

The One whose feet received my little flowers is the Lord of the universe.

And suddenly I realise something humbling.

I began at His feet because I was afraid to look at His greatness.

But by beginning at His feet, I discovered His greatness gradually.

I did not climb towards Him through my own knowledge.

I was lifted by devotion.

The Complete Form 

Now I step back.

For the first time I see the entire form of Sriman Narayana.

The crown.

The Tirunamam.

The compassionate eyes.

The serene face.

The garlands and jewels.

The sacred chest bearing Srivatsa and Kaustubha.

The four arms.

The conch, discus, mace and bow.

The radiant Pitambara.

The graceful legs.

And the sacred feet where I first placed my flowers.

Now the whole form is before me.

And something within me becomes quiet.

I realise that the journey was never really from the feet to the crown.

It was from uncertainty to trust.

From seeing a form to experiencing a presence.

From offering flowers to offering myself.

From knowing about Narayana to beginning to know Narayana.

The Humble Realisation 

Perhaps this is how devotion grows.

A beginner does not need to understand everything.

He begins with one flower.

One bow.

One prayer.

One glance at the sacred feet.

And if he remains there long enough, something begins to happen.

The eyes rise.

The heart opens.

The mind becomes quiet.

The divine form gradually reveals itself.

And eventually the devotee understands:

The Lord was never waiting for a perfect devotee.

He was waiting for a surrendered heart.

The flowers I placed at His feet were small.

My prayer was imperfect.

My devotion was uncertain.

But He accepted them.

And in accepting them, He gave me something infinitely greater.

He allowed me to raise my eyes.

He allowed me to see His face.

He allowed me to behold His whole divine form.

And then I understand the deepest lesson of all:

The feet at which I began are the same feet to which my eyes return after seeing everything.

The crown reveals His sovereignty.

The face reveals His beauty.

The eyes reveal His compassion.

The chest reveals Sri.

The hands reveal His protection.

The whole form reveals His divinity.

But the feet remain my refuge.

So I fold my hands once again.

I do not ask for anything.

I simply offer the flowers of my heart.

And whisper:

"Narayana, I came to You unsure of myself.

You taught me to look at You.

And having seen You, I know where I belong.

At Your sacred feet."

Sriman Narayana — You are my refuge, my Lord, and my everything.